Leave the pieces when you go...

They say that all the mistakes that come with being in love our worth making because love changes us in to the person we were meant to be. But how much of ourselves are we leaving behind in search of mister right? Can trying to be the eternal optimist lead to pessimism? Is love ever entirely worth it?
As I was sitting reading the happy ads this week, I couldn't help but feel entirely unhappy. I don't want to say that I wasn't glad that these people had found someone to spend the rest of their lives with, but at the same time it was just a jab in my side reminding me that I was alone. If you ever want to be reminded that you're single, read the happy ads.
However, I kept telling myself that as the eternal optimist for love, there was someone out there for me. In the mean time, I would sulk about my loneliness. Sure, sulking subsided at times; those times being any time I met the acquaintance of a man who had not done jail time- after all they could be a potential match. As soon as I convinced myself this person was a potential candidate in the love field, something would spring up and I would realize that I'm meant to be alone right now. I'd tell myself I'd have to kiss a few frogs before I find my prince. And thus, the vicious cycle begins again.
Meanwhile, I'm surrounded by people falling in love all around me. Maybe I was coming across to desperate? Maybe I was coming across to guarded? I would change myself daily to fit my mindset about how I was being perceived. Maybe my issue wasn't how I was being perceived, but how I was perceiving others. While my mind flooded with thoughts of insecurities about love, I lost myself, thinking that those around me were only there to judge me, not love me.
So can it be that the eternal optimist doubles as the eternal pessimist? Can someone like me fall in love? Am I ready to stop changing myself long enough to open myself up to love and the changes that come with that? Am I missing opportunities trying to find them?

I'm here without you, but you're still on my lonely mind...

On a lonely Thursday night, I'm left wondering, "Is it possible for love to survive any distance?"
As the weeks go by into this school year, pessimism sets in about relationships...especially long-distance relationships. You hear people crying over relationships ended due to "distance" and the "complications those distances bring." I wonder if we are able to define on our own whether or not a relationship is built to last until we try it.
Sometimes, you get a gut feeling about someone, and from experience, usually those gut feelings are right. But I wonder, can gut feelings be persuaded by fear? Are even our gut feelings over-analyzed?
Sometimes I question how much of our own fate we play a role in. Is it possible for fate to be interrupted by fear and personal desires? Is the end result still fate after all?
For instance, the fear of a long distance relationship can overpower feelings of love without the ability to talk things through with the other person. Was that relationship built to fail, or did we just give up? Was walking away from the relationship the right thing for us, or the right thing to shut down all of our fears?
I refuse to be pessimistic about love and distance this year. I refuse to be just another victim of fear.

I think I'd miss you... even if we had never met...

Have you ever just looked at someone and said "that's the person I'm going to marry one day?" Ok, maybe not, because you're not a complete creep like me, but I just have this gut feeling like I finally found someone meant to last a while, and for once, I'm not afraid with those thoughts. I feel like it is meant to work at between us, and it's a calming feeling. I think I've found what's right for me. For once, I think I've found what's right for me.