just so you know, this feeling's taking control of me

I recently heard a poem about a man who would rather lose every one of his life accomplishments to get back one more spring. He regretted letting each flower bloom without caring. In his last moments, he can't help but think about how he wished he had one more chance to see everything in the world one more time. I already have these feelings, and it's killing me.
I can't help thinking of how many times I was quiet when I wanted to speak, shy when I wanted to be outgoing, and how many times I pretended I didn't want to fall in love when I really did.
I wish I had spoken to my family about how I truly felt about them before I had to say it to a coffin. I wish I had talked to people openly and given myself to a relationship whole-heartedly. I wish I had fallen in love when I had the chance.
I have grown to think that falling in love many times is better than never falling in love at all. However, thinking and believing are two different things.
I have realized that to truly let yourself fall in love, your heart in your head have to be connected. While they are connected, you also have to ignore them both. To truly fall in love, you must never let your mind outweigh your heart, your heart outweigh your mind, and both overpower you ability to believe in love.
If I had given myself over to love, I'm sure my heart and mind would have both told me what to do. I tried to let just one dictate my relationships, and they ultimately failed.
Now that both my heart and mind are on the same page, I recognize my need to say what I want to say and say it while I still can. I have cheated myself out of love. I can't do it again. Not this time.




"Just so you know, this feeling's taking control of me and I can't help it. I won't sit around...Thought you should know I've tried my best to let go of you, but I don't want to. I just gotta say it all before I go...Just so you know"

I'm just a string on his guitar...waiting for a song that he can't play

I wish I could do more than just believe what I write. Every day, I wish I was brave enough to live it. I wish I could be brave enough to show that I'm confident in myself, even though I don't have the perfect body. I wish I could approach my future in a positive way. Most of all, I wish I could learn to move on from failed relationships and heartbreaks and really use them as a learning experience. I wish I could forgive and forget like I want to.
There are some people I haven't been able to let go of, not matter how deadly they are to my life. There are some people I think about every day, no matter how much I need to move on. I cry over them. I lose sleep over them. No matter what the saying says, there are some people who are in your mind that don't deserve to be in your life. I truly believe that with all of my heart. Some people may be in your mind for a reason, but it is only to haunt you.
I wait for the day that they will realize what they lost. It's that last piece of closure, no matter how egotistical it seems. Every day, I think about if it will be the day that they will be miserable without me. I have been hurt by love, and so I ruin my love life more by waiting for people to want to love me.
I wish I could tell every person who is haunting my mind what I truly feel about them, but I know I never will. I'll haunt myself with a fear of confrontation while they haunt my love life.