I recently heard a poem about a man who would rather lose every one of his life accomplishments to get back one more spring. He regretted letting each flower bloom without caring. In his last moments, he can't help but think about how he wished he had one more chance to see everything in the world one more time. I already have these feelings, and it's killing me.
I can't help thinking of how many times I was quiet when I wanted to speak, shy when I wanted to be outgoing, and how many times I pretended I didn't want to fall in love when I really did.
I wish I had spoken to my family about how I truly felt about them before I had to say it to a coffin. I wish I had talked to people openly and given myself to a relationship whole-heartedly. I wish I had fallen in love when I had the chance.
I have grown to think that falling in love many times is better than never falling in love at all. However, thinking and believing are two different things.
I have realized that to truly let yourself fall in love, your heart in your head have to be connected. While they are connected, you also have to ignore them both. To truly fall in love, you must never let your mind outweigh your heart, your heart outweigh your mind, and both overpower you ability to believe in love.
If I had given myself over to love, I'm sure my heart and mind would have both told me what to do. I tried to let just one dictate my relationships, and they ultimately failed.
Now that both my heart and mind are on the same page, I recognize my need to say what I want to say and say it while I still can. I have cheated myself out of love. I can't do it again. Not this time.
"Just so you know, this feeling's taking control of me and I can't help it. I won't sit around...Thought you should know I've tried my best to let go of you, but I don't want to. I just gotta say it all before I go...Just so you know"
