They say that all the mistakes that come with being in love our worth making because love changes us in to the person we were meant to be. But how much of ourselves are we leaving behind in search of mister right? Can trying to be the eternal optimist lead to pessimism? Is love ever entirely worth it?
As I was sitting reading the happy ads this week, I couldn't help but feel entirely unhappy. I don't want to say that I wasn't glad that these people had found someone to spend the rest of their lives with, but at the same time it was just a jab in my side reminding me that I was alone. If you ever want to be reminded that you're single, read the happy ads.
However, I kept telling myself that as the eternal optimist for love, there was someone out there for me. In the mean time, I would sulk about my loneliness. Sure, sulking subsided at times; those times being any time I met the acquaintance of a man who had not done jail time- after all they could be a potential match. As soon as I convinced myself this person was a potential candidate in the love field, something would spring up and I would realize that I'm meant to be alone right now. I'd tell myself I'd have to kiss a few frogs before I find my prince. And thus, the vicious cycle begins again.
Meanwhile, I'm surrounded by people falling in love all around me. Maybe I was coming across to desperate? Maybe I was coming across to guarded? I would change myself daily to fit my mindset about how I was being perceived. Maybe my issue wasn't how I was being perceived, but how I was perceiving others. While my mind flooded with thoughts of insecurities about love, I lost myself, thinking that those around me were only there to judge me, not love me.
So can it be that the eternal optimist doubles as the eternal pessimist? Can someone like me fall in love? Am I ready to stop changing myself long enough to open myself up to love and the changes that come with that? Am I missing opportunities trying to find them?
