It's not a trick question. It has never been a trick question. If you had to answer "do you love yourself," would you say yes or no?
We all want to believe we love ourselves. It is easy to say "I love my hair" or "I love my singing voice." ,but you never answer the question. Do you love yourself?
I know, it is confusing. "Music is a part of me. My hair is a part of me." But they're all just parts. Do you love the whole picture?
I know for me, the answer has been no more than it has been yes. Because when I look in the mirror, I see tons of freckles and fat. I see someone who is short, with occasional fly-aways throughout her hair, and curves that are only appropriate for the movie "precious."
I see someone who has never fallen in love or even had anyone to fall in love with. I see someone who has never been liked romantically, and then I begin to look at myself and count all the reasons why. I see someone who judges herself and assumes everyone is judging those same things. I see someone setting themselves up for failure.
Lately, I've been pouring my heart out on paper for God knows who... and I can't even bring myself to show it to anyone. I don't even know who I'm writing for, but I assume they will judge it all the same... So I tear up these sheets filled with my innermost thoughts and secrets, afraid that if anyone would see them it would add another thing to the list of things people will judge me for. In all reality, I'm tearing up myself and throwing it in that basket.
Everything I've ever said, been, thought, felt, been close to, hated, adored, cherished, cried over, everything is me. And all those little times I've torn something up in the mirror, or on paper, I've torn it up inside and thrown it away.
Do you love yourself? For me, maybe not just yet. But I'm on my way...
"But I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here.. I don't care if it hurts. I want to have control. I want a perfect body. I want a perfect soul..."
