I'm starting to pinpoint things in my life I need to adjust before facing my future. This time, the dart lands on my ability to be happy.
Now, some may think happiness is subjective to the events going on around them. As true as that may be, lately I've realized I haven't let myself be happy. I've been in a "down" state of mind lately when it comes to many things. I've been upset about boy problems, my future, and everything in between.
First off, I've realized my future, no matter how stressful, should be the most important and special thing in my life right now. Instead, I've concerned myself only with the stressful things: costs, major, jobs, etc. I've ignored the fact that the choices I'm making dictate my career, my friendships, everything that will be important in my life. If anything, I should just be flat out excited!
Then, there are boy "problems." I've only been in one "relationship." It lasted about 5 weeks over the summer. I never talked about it because the only thing that happened was 2 weeks in I wouldn't put out so he cheated on me, told me about it week five, and I left him. Great love life, right? I don't even count him as ever having been my boyfriend. I don't want to admit that was the first semi-relationship I've ever had.
So, I've shut all men out. I've turned down potential dates, I've ignored guys who would've been great to have in my life, and I've pretended to be content alone. And once I open myself back up, it seems like I just open myself up to the wrong people, get my heart broken, and start this stupid process all over again.
Now, I think I've found someone who could make me happy. I just need to open my heart up to happiness, and maybe it will last me through the "happily ever after."
"you stole my heart when I didn't think you would. You took my love and gave me yours. You promised me forever when I didn't think you could in this sleep tractor town in Illinois... But it meant the world to me in your arms"
