I have lived a good 18 years, and never in my life has love been such a prominent topic as it has been this past year. I question if I believe in it, if I'm meant to have it, and why I just can't seem to express it. And still, after all this questioning, I'm coming up with useless answers. I am no better off today, after hours of searching for answers, than I was before I started examining this topic.
For starters, am I even meant to love? Sure, I've always pictured me resting my head on some guys shoulder, and for a moment, just one moment, I would know the world was ok. That life had stopped just for us, if only for a second. I've dreamed of having beautiful children and living that perfect life. But where does the love come in? I know, that sounds heartless. "You said you had a husband! You said you had kids!" But, at what point will love reach that point? How do I even know it ever will?
I have walked through life expecting love to just suddenly appear. I meet a guy, fall head over heels, and the rest is history. But what if it's not? I've gotten in the habit of liking guys and as soon as one little thing goes wrong, I'm over it and on to the next one. Love isn't like that. Love is that one little second between all the fights and frustration where you know walking away will shatter your heart and your world will never go on, no matter how hard you try.
But it seems like people are rushing in to the whole "love" thing. They date for 3 weeks and they're at that point. The point where every comment is followed by a heart and they're so consumed with each other that no one else seems to exist. They don't get the difference between "love" and "lust." See, love is that one little thing that could change the world and stop it at the same time. Lust is that one thing that creates an infatuation. You are overwhelmed by all that is that person that you ignore, or fail to see, anything possibly wrong with them or your relationship. And you say it's love because nothing in your life has been more perfect. You don't know the difference, because you haven't taken a moment from gazing like a love-struck fool into your partners' eyes to realize what's going on; what your relationship is really based on.
Hearing "I love you" every time I turn around is really getting old. Some people find the thought of "love in the air" inspiring. I for one, find it disappointing. Because those three little words are so abused. People make it a big deal "when should I tell her I love her?" "Why hasn't he told me he loves me?" "Should I tell her I love her? I think I feel that way.." If you ever have to question it, if even for a second, you are far from being in love.
And love is more than a feeling. The "I just really feel like I love him" line is an excuse. Yes, I know, I sound cynical, but the truth of the matter is, the "feeling" card is just another way of saying "we've been dating for a while and I'm expected to make this next step or dump him."
And some people will say they wouldn't dump the guy just because they weren't ready to say I love you, but that's what your surroundings are telling you. "If you haven't said it yet, maybe you're never meant to say it to him/her" It's no wonder love is so hard. It isn't hard to find, if you give it a chance, but it's hard to let develop. We are so quick to put time limits on feeling love. We want to have that "special feeling" right away, or we'll move on. But there is no time limit on love. We are closer than we think to finding love. It's like taking a hike, just because you don't reach the end of the trail in 1 minute doesn't mean you won't reach it by following the same path. It make require 2 more steps or 200 more steps, but we still have to make that journey.
"I want a love like Johnny and June- rings of fire burning with you. I want to walk the line; walk the line to the end of time. I want to love; love you that much to cash it all in and give it all up. Where you go, I want to go, too, like Johnny and June..."
