If the last conversation you had, the last thought you had, the last person you loved, was all you had, how do you feel about your life? If everything you’ve done defined all you will ever be, what will they say about you?
So often we are stuck in the mode of "tomorrow." We often find ourselves planning ahead and ingnoring what's real and what's right now. We are afraid of what other people may have to say, so we find a shell- a mask- to cover every aspect of our lives we are too embarrassed or afraid to show. We put on a smile and walk through life with our head held high while on the inside, we are afraid. We are afraid of every little moment where someone could catch us with our walls down and see us without that mask.
Naturally, we make bad choices. We have friends we wish we didn't, we do things we wish we hadn't, and we put ourselves in situations that never should've happend. However, we walk around like it never happend. We walk around lying to others and ourselves, masks on, wondering when the day will come when someone figures us out. When the day will come for someone to finally see through the fake attitudes surrounding our lives.
We all have friends we wish we'd kept and friends we should've lost and friends we wished we had. We change ourselves to match the persona of who we want to be and build our lives and the people in them around that. Think about your group of friends right now. Is there anyone you question? Is there anyone you are sure of? Is there someone missing? How will you change that?
We all have conversations we wish we'd never had. We have let our thoughts become verbal. We set out to destroy someone. Think about that last conversation you’ve regreted. Was it worth it? Think of the last conversation that has hurt you. Why would you return the favor? To say words can never harm you is a lie. Maybe you just have refused to show it. At some point someone has said something that has made you run for a pillow to cry into. Have you ever done that to someone else?
We all have made fun of someone, whether to their face or behind their back. Sometimes we knew them, and other times we only knew what we saw. We judge people we have no right to judge and we say those things that we had no right to say. We have also all been made fun of. What did you see in them that made them any less than you? What made you see it?
We have all been fake. We have pretended to like someone we didn't, we pretended to be happy when we weren't. What are we afraid to show? What makes us create that mask and live a lie. Who in your life are you so afraid of judging you that you can't be yourself? Why did you ever let them in?
What was your last negative thought? Was it about someone or something in your life that you wish you had changed? What prevents you from changing it? What caused it to happen? What made me burn inside with hatred or anger or hurt? Why did you let it in?
What was the last positive thought you had? What was the last thing that made you smile and feel peaceful inside? Why did you let it out?
As you look back on your life, I challenge you to question your choices, your ideas, your thoughts, and those things you never did. What would you want to change and when will you? Your attitude determines your life. Maybe our lives aren’t bad, it’s our outlook.
